I am both pleased and honored that this post is a part of New Zealand’s Gifted Awareness Week Blog Tour (click on button above for a full list of postings from around the world, and please share the NZGAW link with others).
Raising Gifted Children: Proof and Patience
As the parent of a soon-to-be 20 year old who is contemplating his next steps after college graduation in a couple of years, I can tell you that worries about raising gifted children don’t end when they leave home. Fortunately, he is taking the initiative in researching graduate schools and programs and considering what options close or open which doors for further study or careers. My husband and I are refraining, as much as we can, from offering unsolicited advice, but the uncertainty of it all brings me back to our son’s younger years and the pressure I often felt—both spoken and unspoken—to make sure that he lives up to his potential.
But what does that mean, to live up to one’s potential, and does potential have a timetable?
Often, parents and others begin to panic when a child, especially a gifted child, is progressing at a slower than expected pace or hasn’t reached milestones at a certain (early) date. The unfortunate result is that we might rush what should be a long, slow childhood education.
But wait a minute! you might think. I thought gifted children learn faster than other children. Isn’t that the point?
Well, yes… and no. Sometimes they learn more deeply or more broadly, more creatively or more intuitively. And sometimes what they most need can’t be learned in a classroom or measured by tests.
Something that helps me to keep a long-term perspective as a parent is to think of the adults I know whose lives I admire, and to ask myself what qualities they have that allow them to live a fulfilling (if not always easy) life.
Often the personal passion, creativity, and other aspects of giftedness that are important for adult success have far less to do with where (or when) students graduate or what their GPA is and are more about the process of positive disintegration that Kazimierz Dabrowski wrote about. Gifted individuals sometimes take a long time to come into their own, and the “proof” of their giftedness is not always what we expect.
Read a profile of one such gifted adult (adapted from an article I wrote a few years ago for the Outpost Exchange) for a reminder of the drive and passion and adaptability that we want our children to continue to enjoy for their entire lives. As Steve Jobs said so well in a Stanford commencement address, we can only connect the dots of our life looking backward from where we are. While a certain amount of planning is good and necessary, it doesn’t work to lay out the dots for our children to follow. Or, to mix metaphors, quick yeast doesn’t always give our children the time they need to rise.
This makes me want to get down the big, bright yellow enamel bowl I used to use to make 2 – 4 loaves of pumpernickel rye every Saturday morning. The bowl sits unused in my pantry, with thoughts that one day I might make bread again. The punching down of the dough between risings and the kneading into loaves was immensely satisfying. Maybe I’ll pick up some packets of yeast next time I go to the store.
Jan, my bread-mixing bowl is a large, yellow one, too (Pyrex). It was my grandmother’s, and I love using it.
Pumpernickel rye sounds wonderful. I wish I lived close enough to bring the fresh butter.
I clicked over here after this post was recommended by a friend on Twitter. What a pleasant to surprise to see you as the author! I was fortunate enough to hear you speak at my first WPA conference, and your words and msg. have resonated w/ me ever since.
Jennifer, of course I remember you! How nice to “see” you here.
Thank you for such kind thoughts. I hope you and your family are doing well.
[...] can give some expression to their gift for academic achievement. Just because a student is a gifted learner doesn’t necessarily mean they have more time or have more patience for more work. To some [...]