What do we mean by the intensity of gifted children and adults?
Photo Credit: roxinasz
I’ve been thinking about this question as I prepare for a couple of talks on the topic. Like giftedness itself, intensity is often easier to recognize than to describe. In addition to understanding intensity within the framework of Kazimierz Dabrowski’s theory of overexcitabilities, we can also think of intensity as extreme self-determination.
The word “intensity” comes from the verb to intend, which in Latin means to set out on one’s course.* So we can view a child’s intensity as wanting to direct one’s own life and actions. In her book Gifted Children: Myths and Realities, Ellen Winner calls this trait a “rage to master” when it is applied to a specific domain. Howard Rowland writes in No More School: An American Family’s Experiment in Education that his son Seth was, like most children, “predisposed to learn, but unlike most, he was self-propelled” [emphasis added].
Similarly, Elizabeth Maxwell of the Gifted Development Center in Denver describes the self-determined drive of gifted and highly gifted children as hard to miss. She writes in a Roeper Review article “’I Can Do It Myself!’ Reflections on Early Self-Efficacy” that self-efficacy “arrives early and [is] thrust in the face of parents and the environment in general.”
One parent I interviewed describes the difference of self-determined intensity in her daughter:
“I teach piano privately to about 12 students a week. Right around the time our fifth child was born, adding another piano student was the last thing on my mind. I had known that my daughter Mia, who was just turning six, wanted me to start giving her piano lessons, but I was planning to wait until she was about seven to start her. She surprised me one evening by begging again to start piano lessons. When I gave her my usual answer of wanting to wait until she was a little older, she responded by showing me that she had taught herself to read music by looking at the note flashcards on the piano. I was amazed. She had even taught herself the first three songs in the method book correctly! After showing that much initiative and drive to learn, who could deny her lessons?”
If only a child’s intense drive always gibed so well with what adults and the world in general value! As parents of such children know all too well, this strong internal drive does not make life easier.
“Our children, especially our oldest who is 11, are high-intensity people; they show great intellectual gifts, great emotional energy, intense focus, non-stop conversation, etc. So much intensity can be wearing. We’re working on ways to coexist better.” ~ James, homeschooling father
Thinking of intensity as a heightened sense of self-determination helps me to see the choices of both intense children and intense adults from a broader and more compassionate perspective (see The Intense Core of Bruce Springsteen: As Bosses Grow Up). For example, the drive to follow one’s own course may be stronger and more important to some children than the desire or need to fulfill others’ expectations, resulting in lackluster grades or “not living up to one’s potential” (a problematic phrase that is often used more as a stick than a carrot). Education expert Herbert Kohl writes in “I Won’t Learn from You”: And Other Thoughts on Creative Maladjustment of the active “not learning” that many children engage in, where the child chooses not to learn, exercising perhaps the only avenue of self-determination available. By saying “no” to adult expectations, these children may be letting us know that they need more, rather than less, control over their lives. Parents and teachers can look for creative ways to give it to them.
James Delisle reminds us in Guiding the Social and Emotional Development of Gifted Youth:
“These children are not passive goody-goodies. They are often difficult to be around because they want to ‘run the show.’ Yet this same quality also makes them most interesting and stimulating….”
One thing parents of intense children never are is bored.
* Parts of this post are adapted and updated from Creative Home Schooling (Great Potential Press, 2002).
Excellent post Lisa… I can so relate to it!! Well done, especially addressing the ‘chooses not to learn’ issue… ;-D
Leslinks
Les, thank you! Herb Kohl’s work on “underachievement” is eye-opening. I can definitely relate to “choosing not to learn,” not necessarily in the classroom, but in other areas of my life.
Oh yes, that describes everyone in our family to a T! Everyone needs to be in the driver’s seat, which makes life a little challenging sometimes. It can be exhausting to live with all these intense people, but I think I’d be disappointed at some level if they were dull and lifeless!
“Everyone needing to be in the driver’s seat”–that’s it exactly! Just knowing what is going on helps to ease the tension for me somewhat. And, like you, I love the energy that comes with the intensity. Thanks!
Thanks, Lisa, for another great post! Intensity as self-determination has been my youngest son’s defining characteristic since day one. His rage is to be in control of his own destiny! That drive will serve him well once he learns to tame/manage.harness it. In the meantime, it makes for a very interesting ride, for both parent and child.
Rebecca, thank you for your kind words! Realizing the role of self-determination in giftedness was a big eye-opener for me. “Rage to be in control” is right.
Your children are lucky to have you for a mother.
Great Article!
With my two sons I learned early to give them decision making opportunities. They would define a situation, even at an early age, we would discuss options. Then my question is can you manage this or do you need help. They would let me know. Even through college and involvement with Deans. We worked as a team. The permission and respect to let them determine their direction and still knowing you are there for them is important. Thanks Lisa, great post with research and your talented point of view!!