Slowing Down, Changing Directions

A few years ago I was talking to a friend who is an elementary school teacher about her plans for the upcoming spring break. The year had been particularly hectic for her as she juggled long commutes to her job and her son’s school, working at home to help her husband’s business, and some health issues. She knew she needed some serious slow time.

What she told me has stayed with me ever since: “I’m afraid to slow down too much, because if I do, I might not be able to get going again.”

That’s kind of how I am feeling this week. Not the simple reset I had written about earlier or a slower choice, but a slowing down that is beyond my control and that, at times, seems permanent. After over two weeks away from home and work, I had planned on June 1st to hit the ground running, rested and ready to go. Life, however, had other plans. Unforeseen delays caused us to stay overnight in Minneapolis before returning to Milwaukee, then, just as we settled in, I was visited by a stomach virus. Kapow!

I’m just grateful that I don’t have an indexing deadline this week, because I have slowed to slower than a crawl, slower, it seems at times, than being still. And even though I’m feeling better physically, my mind and spirit are still functioning in slo-mo.

Realize that I am not a particularly energetic person to begin with, not physically, anyway. I just do not have the intensity of personal energy. In fact, my normal schedule probably looks very slow already to some people.I try to make a point not to feel too busy, because I don’t l like the feeling, and, I have learned the hard way, that feeling too busy and not in control of my days does me no good (maybe it has something to do with having grown up on a farm and being shaped by its slow seasonal and daily rhythms).

During this slow week I’ve appreciated the time for daydreaming while my body recovers, and I have realized that the more I daydream and allow my unconscious to work on issues I have been thinking and reading about consciously, the more grateful I am that I did not hit the ground running, because my plans for the summer, and beyond, are changing—not a lot, but enough so that when I do hit the ground (albeit walking rather than running), I’ll be heading in a bit of a different direction.

While I agree with Jonah Lehrer in his review of Nicholas Carr’s The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains that Google is not making us stupid, I do know that, for myself, every once in awhile I need to reassess my own needs for sustained attention in our modern world so filled with 34 gigabytes of daily distractions. Most of the time, when I need to make changes, they are in the form of paring away what is extraneous and refocusing my attention on what really matters both to me and to life. The tricky part is that what needs to be pared and what needs more attention are decisions only I can make.

My slow may be someone else’s fast. My multi-tasking may be someone else’s sustained attention. What matters is what works for me. This weekend I have a copy of The Power of Slow: 101 Ways to Save Time in Our 24/7 World and plan to check out the author’s blog. I’m also looking forward to making some new plans based on new insights that have arisen from my slow week.

• What is your particular need for slow? Is it different from those around you?
• Does it bother you if other people say you need to slow down (or speed up)?
• Are you afraid to slow down?
• How can you know yourself and your needs better?