From Annemarie Roeper, “The Emotional Needs of the Gifted Child“:
“I would like to impress parents with the reality of the need of the child and that the first requirement is that there be a bond, a lifeline, between parents and child. In my experience, I have found that th
e solidity of this relationship is the greatest reason that a child will come through the difficult times to which they are often exposed. No matter how isolated some of the very highly gifted feel, they maintain a healthy Self if they feel that their parents are truly on their side. Many children have told me their parents are their best friends and they could not handle life without them.”
What does it mean to be on our children’s side or to be best friends with a child? I would argue that it’s not the same as “helicopter parenting” or being at our child’s side all the time as a rescuer, not even close. It’s also not being a parental dishrag or someone incapable of setting limits or making decisions.
Being on someone’s side means we support him or her as a person. They know that when they call with a problem or a success, we will listen or celebrate with them. When they make a mistake, we will help them through it, however painful, and if they don’t ask for advice, we don’t jump to give it. When they need to sit in silence but not alone, we sit with them. When they need to talk, even if what they say rambles or is self-contradictory, we converse. Wherever they are in the world, they know they have one person who will see them first as a unique and valuable person, regardless of their stumbles. They have one person who will never give up on them or walk away from them forever.
Some people say that parents cannot be true friends with their children without losing parental authority, but my experience in our own family and in many other families I know shows me otherwise.
How are you on your child’s side?
Photo courtesy adzica.
